What I’ve learned as a mommy

Posted: September 22, 2010 in Parenting
Tags: , , ,

Things I’ve learned since becoming a mother:
1. Your usage of the word poop will skyrocket once you’re a mom. I have honestly said the word poop more in one mommy day then I ever said in my pre-mommy life,ever.

2. Your non mommy friends might not call or come over as much as they used to before. (this may or may not have something to do with number 1.

3. “Nothing” when said in unison after ten minutes of quietness is preschool speak for,” I’m trying to stuff this the cat into my underwear drawer, but he won’t stay put, please stay over there for 5 more minutes,thanks.”

4. Kids being quiet for ten minutes is usually a bad sign. If I’m being honest 8.5 minutes is actually bad too, but I tend to wait 10 minutes because I’m lazy and 12+ minutes is when actual property damage occurs,usually

5. You will probably encounter incredibly put together moms that seem to have everything running smoothly. They and their children are always perfectly coiffed and their youngest is learning to speak french while their eldest is a star gymnast. If your like me(utterly hopeless mommy) you’ll ether continue to hang out with them and feel guilty constantly or (and this is my choice) you’ll flee for the hills and try to pick friends with equal (or maybe even lower standards) as yourself.

6. Every one else thinks they know more than you when it comes to raising your child. Just nod politely and change the subject. If you let what they say bother you, they’ve won. If you get all Jerry Springer on them, Thanksgiving dinners will get a whole lot more awkward. occasionally there’s a little truth in what they are saying, if there’s not dismiss it all as crazy babble and delete it from your train of thought. It’s not worth the grief or your time and definitely not your tears.

7. As long as your child is fed and more or less clean, as long as they know that they are loved, the other stuff doesn’t matter. If your kid knows ancient Sanskrit, then that is honestly pretty awesome. But they are probably not any happier then the kid who spends his free time playing in the mud. At the end of the day if you’re doing the absolute best job that you can do raising your kids, no one has the right to judge you. Not even yourself.

  1. Kate says:

    Amen, sister.

    I recently made a new mom friend who has standards equal to mine. It is wonderful to hang out with someone else who loves elastic-waist pants and has an equally filthy umbrella stroller. Go, us.

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